Thanksgiving is pretty much the only day out of the year when you can be a complete fatass. It's totally expected, if not encouraged. In fact, if you aren't stuffing your face with a bunch of delicious and unhealthy food, people start to look at you funny.
While turkey is the mainstay for most Thanksgiving feasts, there are a ton of other ungodly and downright impressive creations that make KFC's measly 540-calorie Double Down look likes child's play.
The meals and recipes we're going to cover go above and beyond the normal imagination of even the most ridiculous members of our Heavy Eater Society. Well, maybe not more than these guys.
Let's start off with the classic alternative cooking method for that Thanksgiving Day bird—deep frying. Anybody with a backyard and tons of oil has tried making a deep-fried turkey at one point or another, and here's just one of the many ways you can do it...
Everybody loves hot wings. And what makes hot wings so good? The Buffalo sauce. So why not combine that delicious sauce with your favorite holiday turkey?
Why settle for a regular old turkey when you can wrap it in a couple pounds of bacon? I mean seriously, who doesn't love bacon?
Get the recipe over at Your Mother Was a Chemist. And check out this video to learn how to weave bacon like a boss.
Roulade is pretty much a slab of meat rolled into, well, a roll, and then stuffed with other goodies. In this case, it's just more meat. For the full recipe, head to Serious Eats.
If you don't like your turducken rolled, then maybe this turducken meatloaf will do the trick.
You need all the essential turducken ingredients—oven roasted turkey, chicken, duck. You can also use gravy to hold it all together. For the recipe, check out Momofukufor2.
This is an interesting spin on the turducken, those this turchetta uses a combination of Porchetta, an Italian boneless pork roast, and skinned and deboned turkey.
This recipe takes two days if you want it to come out perfectly. No one for the faint of heart. Here's the recipe from Chow.
Two words that should never be seen next to one another. This sweet meat contraption combines the baking skills of Betty Crocker with the mad genius of Colonel Sanders himself.
This layer cake uses mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, a ton of turkey, and some other silly non-meat ingredients.
Check out Chow for the complete recipe.
Redundancy aside, the Bacon Pig is just another meat filled Thanksgiving delight. You can used ground beef or ground turkey, but if you want to keep it in the family, ground pork is the only option.
Using either a pork sausage or hot dog, mold the ground pork around the sausage, to form body. Then ball up another piece to for the head. You can add more meat balls for the feet, as well. You can use veggies for the eyes and ears, but of course using more meat is a better option. Once the body is designed, cover it and bacon and toss it in the oven. Check out the Warehouse for the recipe.
Those guys from Epic Meal Time have made a living off of making the most absurd meatastic meals one could think of. The TurBaconEpic was one of their very first creations and cannot go unrecognized on this Thanksgiving list.
Packing in a whopping 79,046 calories and 6,892 grams of fat, you really can't get more ridiculous. It's a turkey stuffed with chicken, Cornish hen, duck, quail, and covered in bacon. Yum.
To top themselves, the Epic Meal Time guys came up with the Turbaconepicentipede. Inspired by the 2009 film, Human Centipede, they stuff a Turbaconepic inside of 10 whole pigs and then attach them to one another.
To top off this list of crazy turkey day eats, Hostess wins supreme. They may be closing their doors for good, but those of you lucky enough to have some Twinkies lying around, you can try out this Twinkie-stuffed turkey.
Joyce Slaton has this to say about her epic Twinkie turkey:
"When the turkey emerged, with its crisp, gold skin streaming rivulets of thick white goo that melded with the turkey juices in the roasting pan (ruining any chance I had of making decent gravy), things didn't look good. I lifted a forkful of stuffing to my lips. Oh, dear God: cake doused with poultry grease. I quickly took a bite of turkey to try to erase the taste. Turkey, not too dry, normal flavor. And vanilla—sweet, sweet vanilla—mixing with the taste of roasted bird, the vilest thing I've eaten in a long time."
So, maybe you should save those $100 Twinkies for something better.